We’re going to try and keep our personal opinions to a minimum and, in honor of Marvel’s filmography, rank these according to a formula. We’ll call the formula RAM, for Review Aggregate Metric. RAM gives an average score out of 100 based on 1) the Rotten Tomatoes score, 2) the Metacritic score and a weighted IMDb score, because while IMDb’s user ratings are notoriously unreliable, they do reveal insight into fan reception. We take the 10-point-scale average between the overall IMDb user score and the IMDb Top 1000 score, a more reasonable rating from TOP MEN to offset “vote stuffing” in the overall score. That number corresponds to a value that we derived to interpret fan reception and weigh it appropriately against professional critic reviews. The values are based on the theory that 1) IMDb scores are generally too high, 2) only exceptionally terrible movies get IMDb ratings below a 5 and 3) the worse the movie is, the more forgiving IMDb will be. For example, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” has a 6.7 overall user score and 6.2 Top 1000 score. How?
Taking an IMDb score of 4 as generally the lowest you’ll see for Marvel’s movies, we’re considering a 4 to be equivalent to a 0 on Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic. From there, we made a scale. 4.0 is our axis point, from which we subtract 4.0. Scores higher than 4.0 have less subtracted, at a rate of 0.1 less subtracted for every 0.1 the score rises. For example, a 5.0 score would see 3.0 subtracted. Eventually we wind up at 8.0 subtracting 0. Scores higher than 8.0 can actually add a few points to their overall ranking, but that is rare for the genre.
So taking that 6.7 and 6.2 for “Origins: Wolverine,”, we average it to 6.45, subtract 1.65 according to the scale to get 4.8, then multiply that by 10 to match with Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic’s 100-point scales to get a final score 48 ((6.7+6.2)/2-1.65=4.8, 4.8(10)=48)
Beyond ratings, we’ll note things to consider: whether or not it’s part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, villain(s) featured, key moments, aggregate of superpowers on display and Stan Lee cameos.
(1) Logan
RAM Rating: 84
Rotten Tomatoes: 93%
Metacritic: 77
IMDb: 8.2/7.5
Box Office: $226M
MCU: No
Villain(s): Donald Pierce and the Reavers
X-Factor: Hugh Jackman
Key moment: “So this what is feels like…”
Superpowers: Regeneration, claws, telepathy, seismic manipulation, plant control,
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(2) Iron Man
RAM Rating: 82.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 94%
Metacritic: 79
IMDb: 7.9/7.5 (7.8+7.0)/2=7.4(10)=74+94+79=247/3= 82.3
Box Office: $318M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Iron Man, pre-War Machine, Nick Fury
Villain(s): Jeff Bridges(!) as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger; geographically-vague terrorists
X-Factor: Robert Downey Jr.
Key moment: “I am Iron Man.”
Superpowers: Superhuman engineering
Stan Lee: God Bless Stan the Man for appearing in the trash Marvel entries that marked the decline of the Singer/Raimi era, up until 2008, when Stan was finally rewarding for his sacrifice. Tony Stark mistakes him for Hugh Hefner here, a good problem to have.
(3) Spider-Man 2
RAM Rating: 81.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 94%
Metacritic: 83
IMDb: 7.3/7.5
Box Office: $373M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Spider-Man
Villain(s): Doctor Octopus, Harry Osborn
X-Factor: Sam Raimi
Key moment: Spider-Man vs. Doc Ock on a monorail
Superpowers: Spider-Powers (wall-crawling, super strength, spider sense) vs. super intelligence.
Stan Lee: Stan grabs a woman and pulls her out of the path of falling debris, exclaiming “Look out!” Well done, Stan.
(4) Guardians of the Galaxy
RAM Rating: 81.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 91%
Metacritic: 76
IMDb: 8.1/7.6
Box Office: $333M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Starlord, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon, Drax the Destroyer, Groot
Villain(s): Ronan the Accuser, Yondu, Nebula and a cameo by Thanos
X-Factor: Kevin Feige
Key moment: The final battle ends in a dance-off
Superpowers: Overall super toughness, plus vine manipulation, arrow-whistling and cosmic powers
Stan Lee: Space Stan chats it up with a sexy lady.
(5) X-Men: Days of Future Past (tie)
RAM Rating: 79.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 91%
Metacritic: 74
IMDb: 8.0/7.4
Box Office: $234M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine, Professor X, Beast, Quicksilver, Kitty Pryde, Storm, Iceman, Bishop, Blink, Warpath
Villain(s): Bolivar Trask and his legacy of Sentinels, William Stryker, Magneto, Mystique
MVP: Chris Claremont
Key moment: At the end, when Fox more or less admits that X-Men 3 was a mistake
Superpowers: Telepathy, regeneration, claws, shape-shifting, magnetism, weather manipulation, energy absorption, teleportation, ice manipulation, feral attributes, cosmic energy projection, super speed
Stan Lee: Sadly absent.
(5) Captain America: Civil War (tie)
RAM Rating: 79.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 90%
Metacritic: 75
IMDb: 7.9/7.5
Box Office: $408M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Captain America, Iron Man, Bucky Barnes, Black Panther, Falcon, War Machine, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Hawkeye, Ant-Man, and Spider-Man (whew!)
Villain(s): Helmut Zemo, Crossbones
X-Factor: Stan Lee
Key moment: Evil Super Serum Soldiers are a red herring; the final battle is friend vs. friend where no one is blameless. Zemo wins.
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits, superhuman engineering, shrinking, growing, proportionate super strength, chaos manipulation, phasing, density control, laser beams, superhuman archery, kung fu and of course Spider-Powers.
Stan Lee: Arguably Stan’s finest cameo, he’s a FedEx employee delivering a package for “Tony Stank”.
(7) The Avengers
RAM Rating: 78.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 92%
Metacritic: 69
IMDb: 8.1/7.4
Box Office: $623M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Nick Fury
Villain(s): Loki, the Skrull-esque Chitauri aliens and another cameo by Thanos
X-Factor: Joss Whedon
Key moment: Hulk smashing a puny god
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits, superhuman engineering, magic, superhuman strength, flight, superhuman archery, mind control, electrokinesis
Stan Lee: Stan the Man appears on TV while playing chess in the park, ironically doubting the existence of super heroes in New York. BONUS: in a deleted scene, Stan coaches Captain America through a flirt-session: “Ask for her number, you moron.” Damn, Stan. Bringing the heat in this one.
(8) Captain America: The Winter Soldier
RAM Rating: 77.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 89%
Metacritic: 70
IMDb: 7.8/7.5
Box Office: $260M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Captain America, Falcon, Black Widow and Nick Fury
Villain(s): The Winter Soldier AKA Bucky Barnes, Batroc the Leaper, Arnim Zola and a HYDRA-infested SHIELD led by Robert Redford.
X-Factor: The Russo Brothers
Key moment: Always one to call a spade a spade, Captain America acknowledges the traitorous attack his SHIELD comrades are about to attempt in a glass elevator.
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits
Stan Lee: Stan the Security Guard appears for the second time, this time probably getting fired after Captain America robs his museum. What a dick.
(9) Spider-Man
RAM Rating: 76.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 89%
Metacritic: 73
IMDb: 7.3/7.5
Box Office: $403M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Spider-Man
Villain(s): the Green Goblin, the Burglar
X-Factor: Kirsten Dunst, wardrobe department
Key moment: Spider-Man turns his back on getting laid
Superpowers: Spider-Powers, Goblin Serum benefits
Stan Lee: No dialogue in this one either, but Stan the Man does appear to save a little girl from the Green Goblin’s destructive rampage, or at least attempt it. All we see is him grab her. Come to think of it, for all we know he could be playing an opportunistic pedophile. But that would be an odd choice for Stan Lee, so I’m going to believe he saved that girl.
(10) Spider-Man: Homecoming (tie)
RAM Rating: 76.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 92%
Metacritic: 73
IMDb: 7.9/6.5
Box Office: $311M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Spider-Man, Iron Man
Villain(s): Michael Keaton soars (I’M SORRY) as the Vulture, a double dose of the Shocker and apparently a Scorpion in the making
X-Factor: Michael Keaton
Key moment: The Vulture deduces Spider-Man’s identity while driving him to prom
Superpowers: Spider-powers vs. clever inventiveness
Stan Lee: Stan the Man yells out the window of his Queens apartment, threatening to kick that “punk” Spider-Man’s ass, then getting in some chatter with the ladies.
(10) Doctor Strange (tie)
RAM Rating: 76.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 90%
Metacritic: 72
IMDb: 7.6/7.1
Box Office: $233M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Doctor Strange, Wong and the Ancient One
Villain(s): Dormammu, Baron Mordo as an ally
X-Factor: Timothy Leary
Key moment: The astral projection action sequence
Superpowers: Magic
Stan Lee: Oblivious Stan reads something hilarious on a bus.
(12) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
RAM Rating: 75
Rotten Tomatoes: 82%
Metacritic: 67
IMDb: 8.0/7.6
Box Office: $389M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Starlord, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon, Drax, Groot, Mantis and Yondu (with some cameos)
Villain(s): Ego the Living Planet, Taserface (lol)
X-Factor: Kurt Russell
Key moment: “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!” has quickly become a household phrase
Superpowers: Godlike cosmic powers vs. super toughness, sleepy powers and arrow-whistling.
Stan Lee: Stan the Man’s most fantastic cameo sees him telling the story of his life to the mighty Watchers, who tire of him by the end credits.
(13) X2: X-Men United
RAM Rating: 74.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 86%
Metacritic: 68
IMDb: 7.5/7.4
Box Office: $215M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine, Professor X, Jean Grey, Storm, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Iceman, Colossus
Villain(s): William Stryker (the fantastic Brian Cox), backed up by Kevin Stryker (a sort of amalgam of Mastermind and Proteus) and Lady Deathstrike, plus Magneto, Mystique and Pyro as diverging X-Men
X-Factor: Brian Cox
Key moment: Nightcrawler’s opening introduction
Superpowers: Regeneration, teleporting, telepathy, telekinesis, magnetism, shape-shifting, ice manipulation, fire manipulation, optic beams, illusion casting, weather manipulation, metallic skin, super strength, absorption and super screaming.
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(14) Deadpool (tie)
RAM Rating: 74
Rotten Tomatoes: 84%
Meteoritic: 65
IMDb: 8.0/7.3
Box Office: $363M
MCU: Not technically, but we did see a downed SHIELD Helicarrier so we shall see.
Hero(es): Deadpool, Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead
Villain(s): Ajax, Angeldust
X-Factor: Ryan Reynolds
Key moment: Take your pick of masturbation or strap-on jokes. This ain’t your Saturday morning Marvel.
Superpowers: Regeneration, super ninja skills, metallic skin, super strength, explosiveness and ax skills.
Stan Lee: Stan the Man’s a strip club announcer, introducing Chastity to the stage.
(14) X-Men: First Class (tie)
RAM Rating: 74
Rotten Tomatoes: 86%
Metacritic: 65
IMDb: 7.8/7.3
Box Office: $146M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Professor X, Moira MacTaggert, Mystique, Beast, Havok, Banshee, Darwin and Magneto
Villain(s): Sebastian Shaw, Emma Frost, Azazel, Riptide, Angel Salvadore and, wouldn’t you know it, Magneto
X-Factor: Michael Fassbender
Key moment: Magneto takes control of two navies, in a genuinely impressive display of special effects.
Superpowers: Telepathy, magnetism, shape-shifting, cosmic energy projection, super screaming, flight, feral attributes, kinetic absorption, diamond skin, teleportation, wind manipulation, adaptation
Stan Lee: Sadly absent.
(15) X-Men
RAM Rating: 70.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 81%
Metacritic: 64
IMDb: 7.4/7.3
Box Office: $157M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine, Professor X, Rogue, Storm, Cyclops and Jean Grey
Villain(s): Magneto, Mystique, Sabretooth, Toad
Key moment:
X-Factor: Patrick Stewart
Superpowers: Regeneration, claws, optic beams, telekinesis, weather manipulation, telepathy, absorption, ice manipulation, magnetism, shape-shifting, super prehensile tongues, melting
Stan Lee: His first cameo in a theatrically released Marvel movie, Stan the Man is silent as a hotdog vendor
(16) Ant-Man
RAM Rating: 69.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 81%
Metacritic: 64
IMDb: 7.3/7.0
Box Office: $180M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Two Ant-Men, Scott Lang and Hank Pym, Falcon and Wasp-in-training
Villain(s): Yellowjacket
X-Factor: (tie) Paul Rudd and Adam McKay for saving the screenplay with much-needed humor
Key moment: The finale which, while abandoning the movie’s own rules on how Pym’s “science” works, makes a great set piece out of a little girl’s toys
Superpowers: Shrinking, growing, superhuman proportionate strength, ant control
Stan Lee: Bartender Stan appears in one characters telling of a girl who’s “crazy stupid fine.”
(17) Captain America: The First Avenger
RAM Rating: 68
Rotten Tomatoes: 80%
Metacritic: 66
IMDb: 6.9/6.9
Box Office: $177M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Captain America, Bucky Barnes, Dum Dum Dugan and Peggy Carter
Villain(s): the Red Skull, Arnim Zola
X-Factor: Jack Kirby
Key moment: Chris Evans’ head on a weenie body
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits
Stan Lee: General Lee delivers a zinger when Some Dude shows up in Captain America’s place at a medal ceremony (“I thought he’d be taller”).
(18) Avengers: Age of Ultron
RAM Rating: 67.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 74%
Metacritic: 66
IMDb: 7.4/6.9
Box Office: $459M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, War Machine, Vision, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver towards the end
Villain(s): Ultron, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch and Klaw-in-training (Ulysses Klawe)
X-Factor: Joss Whedon, in a bad way this time
Key moment: Hulkbuster
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits, superhuman engineering, magic, super strength, flight, electrokinesis, technopathy, super speed, chaos manipulation, density manipulation, laser beams, superhuman archery, kung fu
Stan Lee: Veteran Stan gets hammered, slurring “Excelsior…” as he’s escorted out of the bar.
(19) Iron Man 3
RAM Rating: 66.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 79%
Metacritic: 62
IMDb: 7.2/6.7
Box Office: $409M
Hero(es): Iron Man, War Machine
MCU: Yes
Villain(s): Ben Kingsley plays an actor playing the Mandarin until the moniker transfers over to Guy Pierce’s character
X-Factor: Shane Black
Key moment: Iron Man has a panic attack
Superpowers: Superhuman engineering, pyrokinesis
Stan Lee: Stan appears as a beauty pageant judge.
(20) The Amazing Spider-Man
RAM Rating: 64
Rotten Tomatoes: 72%
Metacritic: 66
IMDb: 7.0/6.4
Box Office: $262M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Spider-Man
Villain(s): The Lizard, the Burglar
X-Factor: Sally Field & Martin Sheen
Key moment: I’m only a little ashamed to admit: Martin Sheen and Sally Field got me in the feels.
Superpowers: Spider-Powers, super reptilian powers
Stan Lee: Stan the Librarian stands before a green screen, oblivious to the CGI battle going on behind him.
(21) Thor
RAM Rating: 63
Rotten Tomatoes: 77%
Metacritic: 57
IMDb: 7.0/6.5
Box Office: $181M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Thor and friends, Hawkeye
Villain(s): Loki, the Destroyer armor, Laufey the Frost Giant
X-Factor: Tom Hiddleston
Key moment: A gratuitous Hawkeye cameo
Superpowers: Magic, super strength, flight, electrokinesis, laser beams
Stan Lee: Poor Stan ruins his truck trying to pry the mighty Mjolnir from the Earth.
(22) Iron Man 2
RAM Rating: 61.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 72%
Metacritic: 57
IMDb: 7.0/6.6
Box Office: $312M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Iron Man, War Machine, Black Widow and Nick Fury
Villain(s): Mickey Rourke as a blend between Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo, plus the always entertaining Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer
X-Factor: Scarlet Johannssen
Key moment: Our first glimpse of Black Widow
Superpowers: Superhuman engineering
Stan Lee: Not a huge role for Stan. Tony Stark confuses him with Larry King
(23) The Incredible Hulk
RAM Rating: 60.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 67%
Metacritic: 61
IMDb: 6.8/6.6
Box Office: $135M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): the Hulk and a cameo by Iron Man
Villain(s): Abomination, Thunderbolt Ross, the Leader-in-training
Key moment: Tony Stark shows up
X-Factor: Tim Roth
Superpowers: Super strength and durability, regeneration
Stan Lee: Stan drinks a gamma-irradiated soda
(24) The Wolverine
RAM Rating: 60
Rotten Tomatoes: 69%
Meteoritic: 60
IMDb: 6.7/6.4
Box Office: $133M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine
Villain(s): Viper, Silver Samurai
X-Factor: Hugh Jackman
Key moment: The brief glimpse at Wolverine’s yellow and brown outfit
Superpowers: Regeneration, claws, super prehensile tongues,
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(25) Thor: The Dark World
RAM Rating: 58
Rotten Tomatoes: 66%
Metacritic: 54
IMDb: 7.0/6.4
Box Office: $206M
MCU: Yes
Hero(es): Thor and friends
Villain(s): Malekith the Dark Elf, Loki
X-Factor: Kenneth Branagh’s absence
Key moment: This is the problem. There wasn’t one.
Superpowers: Magic, super strength, flight, electrokinesis
Stan Lee: Stan’s in a mental ward asking for his shoe back.
(26) X-Men: The Last Stand
RAM Rating: 56.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 58%
Metacritic: 58
IMDb: 6.7/6.7
Box Office: $234M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine, Storm, Professor X, Beast, Kitty Pryde, Iceman, Rogue, Angel and basically a cameo from Cyclops
Villain(s): Magneto, Dark Phoenix, Juggernaut, Mystique, Multiple Man, Arclight, “Psylocke,” Callisto and an army of lame mutants
Key moment: Cyclops is written out of the movie five minutes in
X-Factor: Hugh Jackson, again, for looking like the only person in this movie that gives a shit
Superpowers: Cosmic powers, telekinesis, telepathy, magnetism, regeneration, claws, weather manipulation, cryokinesis, flight, pyrokinesis, phasing, super strength and durability, super speed, feral attributes, power negation, shockwave projection, duplication, shape-shifting, size manipulation, absorption and various lame mutants with lethal growths on their bodies.
Stan Lee: Stan’s just trying to water his lawn when little Jean Grey removes gravity from his hose stream
(27) Spider-Man 3
RAM Rating: 56
Rotten Tomatoes: 63%
Metacritic: 59
IMDb: 6.2/6.4
Box Office: $336M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Spider-Man
Villain(s): Sandman, Venom, James Franco Goblin
X-Factor: Whatever the opposite of Topher Grace is
Key moment: For most people it’s Peter Parker dancing like a clown, but for me it’s Venom randomly running into Sandman and, without any questions, form a partnership in about two lines of dialogue.
Superpowers: Spider-Powers, Symbiote powers, sand manipulation, Goblin Serum benefits
Stan Lee: In somehow one of the least puzzling scenes in the movie, Stan the Man decides to stop right next to Peter Parker as he reads a marquee headline honoring Spider-Man and matter-of-factly proclaims, “You know, I guess one person can make a difference. ‘Nuff said.” I don’t know what’s happening here, but if only we could have just followed Stan out of the scene and into an entirely different movie
(28) Blade II
RAM Rating: 53.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 57%
Metacritic: 52
IMDb: 6.7/6.4
Box Office: $82M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Blade
Villain(s): Jared Nomak, vampires and super-vampires
X-Factor: Wesley Snipes
Key moment: Blade turns the tables on his back-stabbers. “Can you blush?”
Superpowers: Vampirism, kung fu
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(29) Blade
RAM Rating: 52.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 54%
Metacritic: 45
IMDb: 7.1/6.7
Box Office: $70M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Blade
Villain(s): Deacon Frost, vampires
X-Factor: Wesley Snipes
Key moment: If you don’t quote “Some motherfuckers always trying to ice skate uphill” at least once a week, you’re doing it wrong
Superpowers: Vampirism, kung fu
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(30) X-Men: Apocalypse
RAMRating: 51.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 48%
Meteoritic: 52
IMDb: 7.0/6.5
Box Office: $155M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Professor X, Mystique, Beast, Quicksilver, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Havok and Moira MacTaggert
Villain(s): Apocalypse, Magneto, Psylocke, Archangel, Storm
X-Factor: Olivia Munn
Key moment: Quicksilver’s tone-deaf, pace destroying vanity scene
Superpowers: Telepathy, molecular control, telekinesis, flight, super speed, optic blasts, teleportation, weather manipulation, magnetism, psionic ninja skills
Stan Lee: Stan hugs his real life wife Joan Lee (RIP) as nukes fill the skies.
(31) The Amazing Spider-Man 2
RAM Rating: 50.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 52%
Metacritic: 53
IMDb: 6.7/5.9
Box Office: $202M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Spider-Man
Villain(s): Electro, the Green Goblin, the Rhino
X-Factor: Emma Stone
Key moment: Half-baked baby goblin pops up to cram in the death of Gwen Stacy more forcefully than a Venom subplot
Superpowers: Spider-Powers, electrokinesis, Goblin Serum benefits
Stan Lee: Stan shows up for Peter Parker’s graduation, remaking that he “[knows] that guy.” Kind of a weak joke, but it’s kind of a weak movie.
(32) Hulk
RAM Rating: 50
Rotten Tomatoes: 61%
Metacritic: 54
IMDb: 5.7/5.8
Box Office: $132M
MCU: Sorta?
Hero(es): the Hulk
Villain(s): Nick Nolte as a blend between Absorbing Man and Zzzax
X-Factor: Ang Lee, for effort
Key moment: Comic book panel-styled transitions (not a good sign for a “drama”)
Superpowers: Super strength and durability, regeneration, matter absorption
Stan Lee: Stan the Man’s first speaking cameo is a rich one. As a security guard for Bruce Banner’s office building, he animatedly advocates for beefier security to fellow guard Lou Ferrigno
(33) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
RAM Rating: 42.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 38%
Metacritic: 40
IMDb: 6.7/6.2
Box Office: $180M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Wolverine, Gambit, Emma Frost, Cyclops, Wraith, Silver Fox and Professor X
Villain(s): Sabretooth, Stryker, Deadpool, Blob, Agent Zero
X-Factor: Hugh Jackman, thank you for your sacrifice
Key moment: Deadpool finally arrives, with laser eyes, Baraka arms and his mouth sewn shut in the ultimate “fuck you” to fans.
Superpowers: Regeneration, claws, feral attributes, laser beams, optic blasts, invulnerability, teleportation, kinetic energy manipulation, electromagnetism, super suggestion, diamond skin
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(34) Daredevil
RAM Rating: 37.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 44%
Metacritic: 42
IMDb: 5.3/5.3
Box Office: $103M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Daredevil, Elektra
Villain(s): Bullseye, Kingpin
X-Factor: Evanescence
Key moment: When the movie dates itself in permanent marker with that Evanescence song
Superpowers: Superhuman senses, superhuman aim, kung fu
Stan Lee: Stan apparently plays Mr. Magoo, in this one, attempting to step out in front of a bus before a young Matt Murdock saves him
(35) Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
RAM Rating: 37.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
Meteoritic: 45
IMDb: 5.6/5.4
Box Office: $132M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, the Thing and the Silver Surfer
Villain(s): the Silver Surfer, Doctor Doom, a cloud named Galactus
X-Factor: Doug Jones
Key moment: The Thing and the Human Torch swap powers when the writers’ only tool for lightheartedness was implementing sitcom tropes
Superpowers: Super elasticity, invisibility, force fields, telekinesis, super strength and durability, pyrokinesis, flight, electrokinesis, cosmic powers
Stan Lee: This turd of a movie has Stan the Man namedropping himself as he gets denied access to Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman’s wedding. It’s a lazy, hastily staged scene, but that’s kind of the entire movie.
(36) The Punisher
RAM Rating: 36
Rotten Tomatoes: 29%
Metacritic: 33
IMDb: 6.5/6.1
Box Office: $34M
MCU: No
Hero(es): the Punisher
Villain(s): John Travolta, a big Russian, some guy with a guitar
X-Factor:
Key moment: The Punisher rigs about 30 cars to explode in the pattern of the Punisher’s skull emblem, a staggering feat which must have eclipsed everything else he did in the movie by a wide margin and would have been visible to no one
Superpowers: none, I guess, but somebody test that Russian for ‘roids
Stan Lee: Sadly absent.
(37) Fantastic Four (2005)
RAM Rating: 33.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%
Metacritic: 40
IMDb: 5.7/5.6
Box Office: $155M
MCU: No
Key moment: Julian McMahon’s stunning “I’ve always wanted power…” line. Such a nuanced character.
Hero(es): Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch and the Thing
Villain(s): Doctor Doom
X-Factor: CGI
Superpowers: Super elasticity, invisibility, force fields, telekinesis, super strength and durability, perkiness, flight, electrokinesis
Stan Lee: For once, Stan the Man is a named character and not a true cameo. Here he plays Willie Lumpkin, mailman for the Baxter Building and, in his two lines of dialogue, manages to outperform the rest of the cast.
(38) Blade Trinity
RAM Rating: 32.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%
Metacritic: 38
IMDb: 5.9/5.5
Box Office: $52M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Blade, Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel as themselves
Villain(s): Dracula
X-Factor: Even though he was high for the few times he bothered to arrive at set, still Wesley Snipes
Key moment: “Blade, are you ready to die.” Yes, that’s a period. I”ve heard questions before and that was not one. And yes, the franchise was ready to die.
Superpowers: Kung-fu, vampirism
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(39) Punisher: War-Zone
RAM Rating: 31.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%
Metacritic: 30
IMDb: 6.0/5.7
Box Office: $8M
MCU: No
Hero(es): the Punisher, if you want to call him that
Villain(s): Jigsaw (McNulty)
X-Factor: Wayne Knight’s in this so let’s go with him
Key moment: Ol’ heroic Frank blows discount Paul Giamatti’s face off in cold blood
Superpowers: none
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(40) Ghost Rider
RAM Rating: 28
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
Metacritic: 35
IMDb: 5.2/5.1
Box Office: $116M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Ghost Rider
Villain(s): Mephisto, Blackheart
X-Factor: Peter Fonda
Key moment: Peter Fonda’s downright tolerable scene
Superpowers: Magic, pyrokinesis, soul manipulation
Stan Lee: Sadly absent.
(41) The Punisher (1989)
RAM Rating: 27.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 28%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDb: 5.7/5.0
Box Office: n/a
MCU: No
Hero(es): the Punisher
Villain(s): Japanese Yakuza
X-Factor: Whoever has seen this movie
Key moment: Frank dive-throws a knife into a geisha’s forehead like a Jack Burton without the irony
Superpowers: Dolph Lundgren’s muscles
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(42) Elektra
RAM Rating: 19.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%
Metacritic: 34
IMDb: 4.8/4.6
Box Office: $24M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Elektra, Stick
Villain(s): The Hand, led by Shang Tsung, and a cadre of assassins including Typhoid Mary
X-Factor: Ben Affleck for staying away
Key moment: When one of the Hand’s assassins taps into the ancient ninja art of conjuring living animals from his tattoos
Superpowers: Kung fu, resurrection, astral projection, tattoo manipulation
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(43) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance 17%
RAM Rating: 18
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Metacritic: 32
IMDb: 4.3/4.2
Box Office: $52M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Ghost Rider
Villain(s): Mephisto, Blackout
X-Factor: Nic Cage, honestly
Key moment: Ghost Rider pissing out fire “like a flamethrower” to impress Generic Boy
Superpowers: Magic, pyrokinesis, soul manipulation, darkness manipulation and death touch
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(44) Fantastic Four (2015)
RAM Rating: 14
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
Metacritic: 27
IMDb: 4.3/4.3
Box Office: $56M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch and the Thing
Villain(s): Doctor Doom, Marvel fans
Key moment: Hey, is that Tim Heidecker as Reed’s dad?
X-Factor: At least it was short?
Superpowers: Super elasticity, invisibility, force fields, telekinesis, super strength and durability, flight, electrokinesis
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(45) Fantastic Four (1994)
RAM Rating: 12.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 29%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDb: 3.9/3.7
Box Office: n/a
MCU: No
Villain(s): Doctor Doom
Hero(es): Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch and the Thing
X-Factor: Audiences, for missing this one
Key moment:
Superpowers: Super elasticity, invisibility, force fields, telekinesis, super strength and durability, flight, electrokinesis
Stan Lee: For once, Stan the Man is a named character and not a true cameo. Here he plays Willie Lumpkin, mailman for the Baxter Building and, in his two lines of dialogue, manages to outperform the rest of the cast.
(46) Howard the Duck
RAM Rating: 11
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDb: 4.6/4.1
Box Office: $16M
MCU: No
Hero(es): Howard the Duck
Villain(s): The Dark Overlord
X-Factor: Steve Gerber, creator of Howard, the unlikely character with Marvel’s first foray into film
Key Moment: Duck tits
Superpowers: the amazing patience of whoever saw this movie
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(46) Man-Thing
RAM Rating: 9
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDb: 4.1/4.0
Box Office: n/a
MCU: No
Villain(s): A greedy oil tycoon
Hero(es): Man-Thing
X-Factor: a $30M budget and a $1M gross really says it all.
Key moment: Pfff like we’ve seen this one
Superpowers: Chlorokinesis, deviating from Man-Thing’s comic book powers to mimic DC’s more popular Swamp-Thing
Stan Lee: Sadly absent
(47) Captain America (1990)
RAM Rating: -6: yep, this one broke the RAM System
Rotten Tomatoes: 8%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDb: 3.3/3.2
Box Office: n/a
MCU: No
Villain(s): Red Skull
Hero(es): Captain America
X-Factor: At least Reb Brown wasn’t in it
Key moment: Red Skull has Cap fastened to a launching rocket. Cap grabs Red’s hand to take him along for the ride. Red Skull takes out a knife… and cuts off Cap’s hand. Just kidding. He cuts off his own hand, for no reason at all, and does so as easily lightsaber cutting through whipped cream.
Superpowers: Super Soldier Serum benefits
Stan Lee: Fortunately absent
So there you have it. What did we learn? Oh yeah, that we’ll have to update this list for the next 45 Marvel movies coming out in the next year.
See you than, true believers.
Listapedia 